8 Ways to KonMari Your Love Life

If you haven’t heard of bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, or haven’t watched Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix where have you been?? Ok, maybe it has been on your radar and you haven’t gotten around to it yet, but let me tell you, it will not disappoint. In fact, so many people are obsessed with tidying up that #konmari, #tidyingup and #sparkjoy have all seen hundreds of thousands of uses on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Even if tidying up your physical space isn’t for you, there are benefits to using Kondo’s principles to “tidying up” your love life. Take a look below for some ways to swipe right to re-sparking joy in your love life.

1. Take Inventory of Your Love Life

With Kondo’s method, it starts with a look at a person’s closet and gradually moves towards the most difficult, sentimental items. That means taking everything out of its place and seeing everything all at once. That’s right. It’s about to get a little messy. Take time to sit down and make a list of all of the relationships you’ve had; what parts of those relationships “spark joy” in you? Did you love how someone left you thoughtful notes, made dinner for you, supported your dreams and goals? Awesome! Were there some not-so-desirable aspects to some relationships? Were they messy, didn’t respect your boundaries, or made sexist remarks to you regularly? Take time to look at traits of your relationships without attaching them to the specific person. That will make it easier to look at the bigger picture instead of going down heartbreak highway yet again.

2. Be Kind to Yourself

As women we can be so hard on ourselves sometimes. After taking stock of your love life you may be feeling a little vulnerable. Before we get down and dirty with “tidying up” take a moment to look at yourself in a mirror and acknowledge that all of your relationships, the good the bad and the super toxic, have all given you an amazing opportunity. You may have learned about love, and learned what it is not. You may have learned what qualities you are looking for in a partner, and which ones totally turn you off. How to set boundaries, or open your heart a little more and be vulnerable with someone. But, overall, you have learned more about yourself and that has given you space to grow.

3. Make a List of Non-negotiables

OK. I get it. You’ve probably heard people say this a million times, but hear me out. Putting exactly what you want in a partner down on paper helps you set a standard (visually and intentionally) of what you want and helps keep you honest. And your list can be of anything you want! Physical aspects, voice sound, style, career, values that are important to them, the look of their downstairs (and I don’t mean of their home), and more. The list is your guidebook: sure, some people may be nice enough, but do they check off all your boxes? The list also helps you to find out what you value and what you need to thank and let go.

4. Wading In

If you’ve read the book or watched the show you know that Kondo has a particular way of tackling the mess. Well, the same principle applies here too. We don’t want to just jump into the deep end, hoping you might be able to swim. By giving yourself easy, smaller steps, you’re more likely to feel more confident and prepared for the deep end of messy feelings. Take some time to literally look at yourself and list all the things you love about your physical self. What features do you love that you want to highlight to someone you may be looking for or dating? Maybe you have a stunning smile. Highlight the hell out of it! Maybe you’re an Ashley Graham doppelganger (hello, I’m so jealous). Highlight and celebrate the parts of you that you love sharing with others and tell yourself why you love those things. Ultimately, dating is about confidence and it all starts with how you love yourself.

5. Tidying Up Bad Advice

The irony is not lost on me seeing as this is coming from an article telling you how to “tidy up your love life”, but take a deeper look at the relationship advice you get from those around you. Is that advice truly serving the best interests of your heart? Does your family pressure you to hurry into a relationship? Are you friends telling you they don’t like how your significant other treats you? Hear what people have to say, take a moment to digest it and ask yourself “does this advice push me into a relationship I don’t want or need, or does it help me to have healthier relationships?”

6. Highlight Areas of Your Life that Spark Joy

In the 21st century world of dating, apps reign because of their convenience and instant gratification. There are other ways to make the most of your time while looking for love or enjoying the love you already have. Personally, I love to go to museums. It has introduced me to a whole world of other people who enjoy museums like I do. By doing things you love on a regular basis you will automatically add new people into your life who already share the same interests. If I see someone looking at a piece of art or an exhibit that peaks my interest I may go up to them and ask what they think of that particular work. It sounds awkward but once you get past that first initial phase, you may be surprised at how many people are happy to share their time with you.

7. Cut out the Things that Steal Joy

Looking back at the inventory you took, what things have stolen joy from your love life? Are you currently letting those things take up space? Maybe it’s dating apps, blind dates, old photos and card from exes, people you are dating out of comfort, or letting others tell you who to like. Let go of those things or people who are stealing joy from your love life! Hear me out; I still have my old wedding dress, but none of my wedding pictures, because the dress made me feel stunning, yet the pictures broke my heart every time I looked at them. If these things are not adding joy to your love life, they are taking away from it.

8. Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

If you take nothing else away from this article let it be that these tips are just guidelines. You are the ultimate decider of what you want your love life to look like. The reason people love the KonMari method is because it takes part of your life that feels overwhelming and scary and teaches us to take time to be more thoughtful about what you have and what you choose to bring into your life. It’s ok if you only like numbers 1, 2 and 6 and think number 3, 7, and 8 are crap for you. Tidying up your love life encourages you to let go of things that don’t serve your best interests and help you bring things in that do. This looks different for each and every one of us. We can all be kinder to ourselves and our hearts and thank it for bringing us this far and helping us grow. Embrace the process and let your love life spark joy for you!